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pamilyn's picture

So Sad (post #46021)

Well...I attended the funeral of a childhood friend Monday. The paper did not say what he died of. My Brother and I show up at the church and see his beautiful sisters. I asked one of them what happened. He killed himself. Beautiful Wife, three great kids 14yo boy, 12 yo boy and 9 yo darling girl. I guess he struggled with depression a long time. He called his Wife to say goodbye. This family and ours grew up together. All us kids played after school together and then again after dinner until dark. Very close and then we all grew up and moved and got on with our lives.......the last time I saw them was at the funeral of another brother three years ago. He killed himself too. His little ones were at this funeral of course. Just makes you think. I'm just so sad for those kids.......Pamilyn

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

RuthWells's picture

(post #46021, reply #1 of 27)

This month is the 2-year anniversary of the death (perhaps by suicide -- the investigation was not conclusive) of a former boss, and the husband of a dear friend of mine.  She and their two beautiful children are still suffering terribly.  It does not get easier.


 


Ruth Wells


"Gardening is the only unquestionably useful job."
 - G.B. Shaw

Ruth Wells

"Gardening is the only unquestionably useful job."
 - G.B. Shaw

www.lemonade-and-kidneys.blogspot.com

www.ruthssweetpleasures.com

http://www.pkdcure.org/Default.aspx?TabI...

pamilyn's picture

(post #46021, reply #4 of 27)

I'm so sorry your friend is going through such a rough time. Not good.

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #2 of 27)

Wow.  That is terrible.  I cannot imagine what his wife is going through.  Depression is so much more serious than most people give it credit. 

pamilyn's picture

(post #46021, reply #3 of 27)

It is terrible. At least the Wife is an Adult nd knew he was suffering for a long time. The poor kids are what I think about. "Gee, didn't Dad love me enough to stick around" I hope she gets them into counseling.

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #5 of 27)

absolutely, the kids certainly are in need of major counsel.  I was just thinking of the goodbye conversation and what that must be like to live with.  :(

pamilyn's picture

(post #46021, reply #6 of 27)

Oh, I know. I can't imagine what he said to her. He did it at one of his rental properties so at least she didn't have to dicover him or live with the memory in the house. I'm sure she called 911 when he hung up the phone.

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #7 of 27)

wow.  That is really terrible.  I swing back and forth between feeling that it is selfish to do something like that and also thinking that clearly this was  a desperate man who  felt like he had no other options.  Just terrible.

pamilyn's picture

(post #46021, reply #8 of 27)

There has been an awful lot of talk around here lately about depression. Unless you have been there I guess we don't have any idea how desperate you can get. I thought, well why didn't you call someone for help? We can't second guess.

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #9 of 27)

well, unfortuately I have been there and I know how dark it can get.  But I've been out of it for years and have distance now thank god.  This is a terrible place to live.  just awful.

Aberwacky's picture

(post #46021, reply #10 of 27)

Depression is one of those things that you really can't understand unless you've been there.  Your options can seem very limited, and you're not thinking clearly during those dark moments.  I think it is impossible to look at the actions of a depressed person with the mindset of a well person and understand why they were taken, because the brain is just not operating the same way.  Normal logic does not apply.


Leigh


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them." 
-Leo Tolstoy
Rhea's picture

(post #46021, reply #11 of 27)

I am so very sorry.....it seems like many have said here, unless you have been there( and one hopes to NEVER be there) one cannot really fathom depression.....When my Dad was sick, I attended a seminar from a well respected University. There were many great speakers some of whom were teachers that had, themselves suffered. The last speaker was a teacher who then proceeded to make claims that people who suffer from mental illness were nothing more than manufactured individuals and that society should not be so quick to have pity.....If there wasn't such a huge crowd and I would have slapped her silly.....We almost lost my Dad many times and through the grace of God, we still have him.....


The mind is a powerful thing and can during this terrible illness completely convince an individual that their thoughts-no matter how irrational to us they may be- are sensible and true. My heart breaks for this family...and like someone stated here...they must get counselling.....again, I am so sorry....


 a wise woman once said you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.. my lips are sore...p.s. but I finally found one!!!

I can't even afford the lifestyle I don't want...

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #12 of 27)

"manufactured individuals"

what does that mean?

Rhea's picture

(post #46021, reply #13 of 27)

...she did not really believe that people suffered from depression and that it was really just something manufactured by society...what a knob!!!! 


 I confronted her after the seminar in the lecture hall and gave her a piece of my mind... she tried her best to dodge me...but I was persistant and I told her that her ignorance was shocking.


 A woman standing beside me came over to thank me for speaking up,....this woman's daughter had commited suicide and she had sat there enraged listening to this A** speak.


 a wise woman once said you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.. my lips are sore...p.s. but I finally found one!!!

I can't even afford the lifestyle I don't want...

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #15 of 27)

Wow. Somebody needs to take away her microphone. And Tom Cruise's while they are at it.

Rhea's picture

(post #46021, reply #22 of 27)

hehehe...LMAO!!!! And remove ALL couches on TV stages

 a wise woman once said you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.. my lips are sore...p.s. but I finally found one!!!

I can't even afford the lifestyle I don't want...

Heather's picture

(post #46021, reply #14 of 27)

I'm so sorry. We lost a dear friend 6 years ago this month to depression. The family still tries to make "sense" of it when of course it is not the act of a rational person. It makes you so sad to think how desperate people must be to think this is the best option for them and their families.

SallyBR1's picture

(post #46021, reply #16 of 27)

Horribly sad.

Very similar to the situation of my former boss in Paris. Brilliant scientist, wonderful man. WIfe, a very succesful and beautiful lawyer, three kids - two teenage boys, one darling 10 year old little girl

He checked into a hotel, took a very carefully made cocktail of poisons from the lab.

Left a long letter about depression and how it should be taken seriously.

It is hard to understand and accept, but they do feel they cannot take the pain of being alive any longer.

 


 


"Her shimmyshaky is much better than her chimichurri"
(Glenys, June 2006)

shywoodlandcreature's picture

(post #46021, reply #17 of 27)

I dealt for years with depression in one of my family members - it is so very painful to watch someone you love, who should have everything, waste away days, months, even years in this dense, black fog they just cannot shake. I likened depression to cancer of the soul. He (my loved one) is long over the worst of that episode, thank god for modern anti-depressants, Tom Cruise be damned, but I worry that it will come back - that it's simply in remission. My heart breaks for everyone who has ever had to live with depression, either their own or somebody else's.

I think this goes double for any adolescent who is depressed - as far as I'm concerned, it's every bit as lethal as cancer or car accidents, or anything else that can take a young life prematurely, and must be dealt with seriously, sympathetically, and quickly. As the lawyers like to say, time really is of the essence.





"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
George Orwell, 1984

Jean's picture

(post #46021, reply #19 of 27)

DGS dropped out of HS with ADD + depression. It was a tough few years for him. He's twenty now and has finished with his HS studies and is enrolled in a CC for this fall semester and taking a full load. Here's hoping and praying that all goes well for him.  He's here today "playing" with Grandpa and really seems to be on top of things right now. He's both cute and charming, but will need more than that down the road a bit.



My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

- Buddy Hackett

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

A  clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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shywoodlandcreature's picture

(post #46021, reply #20 of 27)

I'm glad for him that he has sympathetic family -- he'll need it. Adolescence is brutal at the best of times, and for someone suffering from depression, it's a black hole indeed.





"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
George Orwell, 1984

Cissytoo's picture

(post #46021, reply #23 of 27)

I think this goes double for any adolescent who is depressed


Sidebar:  I just finished The Pact by Jodi Picault.  It is about adolescent suicide.  I recommend it to every parent of a teenager.  Jodi is a NYT bestselling author (also wrote My Sister, My Keeper).

Marcia's picture

(post #46021, reply #18 of 27)

I'm so sorry for this tragedy. My family and I have quite a bit of personal experience with depression, and related illnesses, and sometimes it's difficult to get the right kind of help. Everyone's different.


My concern is for the poor man's wife and children. Suicide does seem to run in families, but whether it's genetic or learned behavior is a question. I hope his family goes for counseling. The children are very likely to blame themselves for their father's death.


Again, my condolences. It has to be hard for all who knew him.

Gretchen's picture

(post #46021, reply #21 of 27)

We have had 2 incidents recently where the father committed suicide--after killing or trying to kill the children also.  Bank execs. 


Suicide/depression is SO sad. You look around that church and say, how could he not know he had all this love and support. But they just can't do it.


Gretchen
Gretchen
Wolvie's picture

(post #46021, reply #24 of 27)

this is very sad, and tragic.


Someday I hope depression can be cured. Completely.


Sit down before fact as a little child, be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abysses nature leads, or you shall learn nothing.


THOMAS HENRY HUXLEY,  September 23, 1860.


 

 

mer's picture

(post #46021, reply #25 of 27)

You and me both, but there isn't a lobbying group attacking congress for funding research like the Ameican Cancer Society, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, etc..  People are not "owning" the problem.   People who have it aren't outraged or fighting city hall.  They are depressed, quiet and resigned.    Families are embarassed.  It is often considered shameful.  Now, That is a shame.

Wolvie's picture

(post #46021, reply #26 of 27)

very true.

 


"The neo-Darwinists are just like the very religious,"  "They spend all their time defending silly doctrine."


James Lovelock

 

Gretchen's picture

(post #46021, reply #27 of 27)

It is often considered shameful.  Now, That is a shame.


Last year our Medical Alliance sponsored a mental health seminar titled The Stigma Stops Here.  It was quite good--fully attended by both professionals and "interested parties" --particularly bipolar since the keynote speaker was Kay Redfield Jamison.  CME credits given.


Gretchen


Edited 9/3/2006 7:23 am ET by Gretchen

Gretchen