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Just need to vent...

Nightrider's picture

My grandfather's been in the hospital for the last 2 weeks...in the psych ward...for severe depression.  He's struggled with this through most of his adult life, and has been hospitalized several times.  The problem is that it doesn't get any easier watching him try to fight off his personal demons.


He is actively psychotic...refusing to eat or drink.  As of this morning, it looks like they are going to have to keep him sedated and restrained to keep an IV in.  I just have to vent, because it is so hard to see this kind, intelligent man turn into someone my family doesn't know, and can't reach, as hard as we try. 


Even harder is the fact that people who haven't had any close brushes with mental illness can't understand what he (and our family) are going through.


Sigh...some days you just need a magic wand to wave and make things better.

avak123's picture

(post #45996, reply #1 of 33)

Nightrider,


I am so sorry about your grandfather. It must be so difficult for you and your family. Sending good and positive thoughts your way.


-Amy

shywoodlandcreature's picture

(post #45996, reply #2 of 33)

My heart breaks for you. We went through something similar with my mother in the last few years of her life. Heartbreaking to watch a vibrant, intensely social woman disintegrate into someone we hardly recognized. It certainly doesn't say much for longevity! Vent as much as you like. There are sympathetic ears here.





"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
George Orwell, 1984

chiquiNO's picture

(post #45996, reply #3 of 33)

Will add your grandfather to my prayers today...sorry you have to go through this.  Life isn't easy.  Hugs.

Chiqui from way down yonder in New Orleans

 

Canuck's picture

(post #45996, reply #4 of 33)

I'm sorry; that must be so hard. Sending good thoughts your way.

Marcia's picture

(post #45996, reply #5 of 33)

I'm most awfully sorry, and know from personal experience how very hard this is.


A question: have your grandfather's physicians done any brain scans? It could be something rather than depression. Something like this happened with my mother, and it turned out she had a rare brain disease.

Nightrider's picture

(post #45996, reply #6 of 33)

Thanks for the good wishes.


Unfortunately, they've already ruled out organic causes.  He's had a CT scan and a whole bunch of blood work done.

MadMom's picture

(post #45996, reply #7 of 33)

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather.  I don't have the words to express how sad that is. 



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AmyElliesMom's picture

(post #45996, reply #9 of 33)

I'm so sorry to hear your family is dealing with this. I know firsthand how awful depression is. I hope they can find some medication to help him.

 


I feel a recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation.

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Marcia's picture

(post #45996, reply #12 of 33)

Dear me. It can't be easy. Again, my best wishes.

Nightrider's picture

(post #45996, reply #13 of 33)

Thanks again everyone. 


I've been really stressed out and sad about this, and my two "therapies" are cooking and running.  Today was a rest day from running (got a race this weekend), so let me just say that it's a darn good thing that DH and I have friends coming over tonight.  LOL - I'm feeling much better now though!


 

Tuck's picture

(post #45996, reply #14 of 33)

I'm sorry to read this.  My thoughts are with you.  Vent as much as you need to.


~tuck
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.”

Gloriana's picture

(post #45996, reply #21 of 33)

So sad to read about your situation. Please know that many warm and heartfelt thoughts are coming your way. You will not be alone. Vent and give voice to your fears and frustration, we understand and will try to help. Life is not always fair, and it's not always pretty, but i's all we've got and we all can understand each other's pain. Big hugs for you, today.

Jean's picture

(post #45996, reply #17 of 33)

I can identify with what you're going through.  DMIL suffered chronically with a post menopausal depression.  A couple of hospitalizations, shock therapy, and who knows what all meds kept her functioning on a minimal level. Her DH ended up doing everything that needed to be done in their home though. The man was a saint!



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mer's picture

(post #45996, reply #8 of 33)

Feel free to vent here.  We have all helped and been helped by talking it out in CT. 


 This is really tough.

pamilyn's picture

(post #45996, reply #10 of 33)

Knitrider, I am so sorry for you and your grandpas troubles. I too went through this with my Mom. They finally got the right concoction of anti psychotic drugs. Her Doctors did NOT rule out organics and lo and behold two years later she died of a brain tumor. I still wonder today if her phycotic episode had anything to do with it.


I wish you and your grandpa well. Hugs all around. Pamilyn


The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

The purpose of Art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls

dixie's picture

(post #45996, reply #11 of 33)

I am so sorry. This is very sad for all concerned.

unbaked's picture

(post #45996, reply #15 of 33)

Best wishes for your grandfather.


Having suffered from an 8 month bout of clincial depression myself, although not quite a severe as his, I can certainly relate.


You aren't the same person on the outside and the worst part is that you're still in there wondering what the heII is going on, but knowing you have the illness isn't enough to pull you out of it.


Drugs can help, but I had a terrible time with them. 3 hours a week of therapy, back in a time when that was financially feasible, with a fabulous therapist and some help from anti-depressants is what finally helped me claw my way back out into daylight. The problem is that there is no magic wand for many people.


My heart goes out to you, the time when mental illnesses are viewed the same way that physical ones are by the world is long overdue.


 


'The desire to make an effort to improve the lives of those around you does not yet live in everyone, but it does live in everyone who cooks.' -Bill Penzey, one magazine

'The desire to make an effort to improve the lives of those around you does not yet live in everyone, but it does live in everyone who cooks.' -Bill Penzey, one magazine

mer's picture

(post #45996, reply #16 of 33)

ditto.  well phrased, unbaked. 

Rhea's picture

(post #45996, reply #18 of 33)

"Sigh...some days you just need a magic wand to wave and make things better."


I am so sorry to hear you and your family are going through what I know is such a difficult time.....I can honestly say I know how you feel...my Dad suffered  a few years back and it is still hard to think of all the things that happened while he was in and out of the hospital....the mind really is an amazing thing, but depression is so difficult for those on the outside of it....that magic wand will come in the form of friends and family who will stick it out with you....


There was one special nurse we had-Laurel- and she just kept saying that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel...I was really not sure if I could accept that, but after many months, she was indeed right....I wish I had this group of people here, to talk with back then....it sure would have helped me get through it alot easier.....keep your chin up, and know that you are not alone....and if I do ever find that magic wand, I will gladly send it your way...:):):)


 a wise woman once said you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.. my lips are sore...p.s. but I finally found one!!!

I can't even afford the lifestyle I don't want...

CANDILADY's picture

(post #45996, reply #19 of 33)

Many good thoughts and prayers are heading your way for your grandfather and your family.  I understand how you feel as my mom has suffered from depression for many, many years.  It runs in her family.  It is the stangest thing because there is nothing that you can personally do about it for the person who is suffering with it.  My mom has always likened (if that is a word) it to being in a deep, dark well with very little light and she has to try and climb her way out. She has been on several meds for years now that have really been a God-send (Tom Cruz be damned).  It took a while to figure out the right combo.  If you can, talk to your grandfather's doctors and try and get as much info as you want on the treatment etc.  The doctor can really make all the difference in a patient's treatment.


 

unbaked's picture

(post #45996, reply #33 of 33)

 My mom has always likened (if that is a word) it to being in a deep, dark well with very little light and she has to try and climb her way out.<<<<


Your mother did a great job of describing it. I know that that's how I felt. I was cognizant of the fact that I was in a depression and since I'm a very logical and pragmatic person, I thought that I could just 'will' myself out of it..after all, I knew what it was, why couldn't I just shake it off? Not a chance. I had to have a lot of help to make it out of it.


It's somewhat simliar to being in a waking coma..you're in there, you know what is happening and still you can't stop it. Horribly frustrating.


I hope that the therapy works well for your grandfather, Nightrider, and that he finds his way back soon.


Hugs to you!


'The desire to make an effort to improve the lives of those around you does not yet live in everyone, but it does live in everyone who cooks.' -Bill Penzey, one magazine

'The desire to make an effort to improve the lives of those around you does not yet live in everyone, but it does live in everyone who cooks.' -Bill Penzey, one magazine

Wolvie's picture

(post #45996, reply #20 of 33)

very sorry to hear of this, nightrider - my sympathies to you and your family.

Sit down before fact as a little child, be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abysses nature leads, or you shall learn nothing.


THOMAS HENRY HUXLEY,  September 23, 1860.


 

 

SallyBR1's picture

(post #45996, reply #22 of 33)

I am very sorry to hear this.

If it serves of ANY consolation, at least he lives in a country where there are ways to deal with the problem. It is never easy, but imagine if he was in some poor country, had no health insurance coverage, no adequate medical help. It would be a complete nightmare, and unfortunately it does happen to plenty of people.

You and your family will need a ton of strength to deal with the ups and downs - a real emotional roller coaster.

I hope his situation will improve soon... hang in there, and by all means VENT AS OFTEN AS NEEDED!

 


 


"Her shimmyshaky is much better than her chimichurri"
(Glenys, June 2006)

Jillsifer's picture

(post #45996, reply #23 of 33)

I'm so sorry for what you're all going through. Hugs and prayers from California.


jill


 


 

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.

-- Washington Irving

Nightrider's picture

(post #45996, reply #24 of 33)

It's reassuring to hear that others have experienced struggles with depression as well.


Grandpa is fortunate to have great docs who understand his history.  They know that meds aren't going to help at this point, and they are starting ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) on Monday.  This is a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel, because experience has shown that this therapy does work for my grandpa. 


Today is looking better :)

Heather's picture

(post #45996, reply #25 of 33)

I sure hope the treatments work for him. My sympathies to him and your whole family.

shelly's picture

(post #45996, reply #26 of 33)

I'm sorry that you have to see this.  


However hard it is for you, your grandfather is lucky to be surrounded by a loving and caring family.


Kind thoughts,


shelly in Jerusalem 

Rhea's picture

(post #45996, reply #28 of 33)

When my Dad was sick the hospital wanted to do that therapy, my Mom was petrified and my Father refused...my Mom just did not want to file the appropriate papers to overide my Father.....I wanted to explore it and looking back now, it would have really been the best choice as it would have given the quickest results and surely saved my Father most of all, so much pain and suffering for all those months.


...you are in my thoughts and prayers.... 


 a wise woman once said you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.. my lips are sore...p.s. but I finally found one!!!

I can't even afford the lifestyle I don't want...

Aberwacky's picture

(post #45996, reply #29 of 33)

Vent here whenever you need to.  We went through this level of depression with a family member several years ago, and I understand how frustrating it is for the person on the outside of the illness.


There is hope, though.  Our experience, though long and grueling, has a happy ending, as do many others.


Leigh


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them." 
-Leo Tolstoy
AJ12754's picture

(post #45996, reply #27 of 33)

I am so sorry.  I wish something I could say would help.

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