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And the winners are

Gretchen's picture

These are the smart a s s answer (SAA) award winners for last year.



 


SMART #### ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.



 


SMART #### ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ' Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.



 


SMART #### ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'



 


SMART #### ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.



 


SMART #### ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'



 


SMART #### ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'



 


A smart-#### guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'



 



 


Two bonus extras:



 


A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?' The clerk says, 'What denomination?' The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.



 


A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' He never heard the shot....


Gretchen
Gretchen
PeterDurand's picture

(post #50714, reply #1 of 7)

Good way to start the day. Thanks.

 


Better life through Zoodles and poutine...

Jean's picture

(post #50714, reply #2 of 7)

HEE Passed along immediately.



A merry heart does good like a medicine: Prov. 22:17



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Heather's picture

(post #50714, reply #3 of 7)

# 3 reminds me of the time DH got a new sportscar and took our son out for a ride. He was speeding and was stopped by a police officer. When the officer asked DH if he knew how fast he was going 4-year-old DS piped up, "But this car is supposed to go fast!"

No ticket.

teebee's picture

(post #50714, reply #4 of 7)

Very funny! I have been known to give similar answers. Here are two of my favorites.

I was working in a small grocery store my senior year in high school, and we only had 3 checkout lanes, no express. This couple, cart overflowing, pulls into my lane and the guys asks, "Is this the express lane?" I replied, "No, but I'll work as fast as I can."

I used to teach preschool (3 year olds), and was running a parents' meeting the night before school started. One dad, a college professor, asked, "Do you teach them to tell time?" (remember, we're talking 3 year olds). I replied, "No, we just tell them, 'Pretty soon your mommy will be here.'"

Who else has some good answers?

Gretchen's picture

(post #50714, reply #5 of 7)

VERY good!!  ;o)


Gretchen
Gretchen
msm-s's picture

(post #50714, reply #6 of 7)

A guy I was dating and I were in a very silly mood and he was talking about how fast he could run and then he just got nutty about being fast, fast fast. He finally said "I can do anything faster than anybody on earth!"

I said, "I wouldn't brag about that if I were you."

drussell's picture

(post #50714, reply #7 of 7)

These were funnier than most I've seen in a long time. Got a lot of laughs from them. Will send them on to people who will appreciate them. Thanks!