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And Lo! Unto Me a Child is Born...

CLS's picture

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Hello Everyone! It's me! I can't promise to make this a long post because my little one is sleeping and we all know how unpredictable that is , but I'll do what I can and try to get back in the next sleep cycle.

Maximillian Xavier, born March 17, 2001 at 8:48 a.m., weighing in at 9# 3 oz., 20 inches long. He's beautiful, he's perfect as he can be (scored all 9's on his APGAR tests!
i (said the proud mother! (lol))
and he's a champion feeder - the boy is a natural breast man! And I can not possible describe to anyone how much I love him - there's simply no words. What I can say is that I never thought anyone would make me feel thrilled just to look at them, except DH. Now his son has the same power - my heart just isn't big enough for all the love I have for the two of them. Becoming a mother to this child is one of the two best things I ever did with my life.

Ooops, gotta run for a bit. My little one just woke up. Try to get back in a couple of hours!

Chiffonade_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #1 of 68)

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b GUSH, woman, GUSH...I love it!! :x to the family.

JTango's picture

(post #57231, reply #2 of 68)

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What a wonderful time for you! I think lots of us are living vicariously right now. (except we'll sleep all night .) Give us a photo when you're up to it!

Cooking_Monster's picture

(post #57231, reply #3 of 68)

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CLS! How great to hear about Max. You sound like you're doing great, both of you.

SallyBR_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #4 of 68)

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CLS!

Any chance we could see him? I know you got too many things in your mind now, but... please, please, please????

Your post made my eyes all watery. So wonderful!

Tracy_K's picture

(post #57231, reply #5 of 68)

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CLS, what a beautiful message... I've got chills all up and down my spine from reading it!

Now go get some sleep while the baby sleeps!!

:-)

Tracy

chiqui_new_orleans's picture

(post #57231, reply #6 of 68)

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YIPPIE>>>YIPPIE>>>>>YIPPIE>>>>>> We want more!!!!!

Cleaver's picture

(post #57231, reply #7 of 68)

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We
b cannot
wait to see pictures! Congratulations, CLS. My heart felt like it would burst with pride for you!

mulch52_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #8 of 68)

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XOX to all! How's Daddy doing? Are you reacquainting yourself with your feet? Holding a pillow to your midsection while laughing?
May the ride ahead (for all of you) be as sweet and rewarding as the anticipation has been...
XOX x 2 to all!

RuthAnn's picture

(post #57231, reply #9 of 68)

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Okay CLS - now your next task is to perfect typing to Cook's Talk while nursing. if i can do it, with my horrid typing skills, anyone can. The key is to do it one handed.

So thrilled to see your post. My heart is overflowing with happiness for you. And I know exactly how you feel! Well, except for the C-section part. Ouch.

Take good care of yourself. it's easy to forget that.

Kristine_K.'s picture

(post #57231, reply #10 of 68)

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Congratulations CLS! I am so glad you are having no problems in the BF department, it makes life a lot easier with a newborn. You sound so happy and content.

The weirdest feeling I had after my first was born was actually walking out of the hospital with him and driving him home - I just could NOT believe they were trusting me with this small, helpless, adorable creature, what were they thinking? And then, the realization that he was going to be there 24-7, but when my sister kicked me out the door (at about 2M - we had to go to a christening meeting), I couldn't bear to stay away for more than an hour, I missed him so much! Sorry, this post is about you and Max, I shouldn't be reminiscing - I'll bet you're tired of all the stories.

Anyway, thank you very much for the trip down memory lane - I remember sleeping when the baby did during the day, it did help with the wakeful nights.

Kristine

Kristine_K.'s picture

(post #57231, reply #11 of 68)

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P.S. I really love the name "Xavier", BTW, and would have used it except we had some grandfathers to honor with the middle name. What a great middle initial!

Kristine

kai_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #12 of 68)

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WTG^5 CLS! Gonna be lovin' the stories, all of us I suspect :-) What a great start Max has--those genes! Xavier is deeeluxe. I picture him as a good-natured, "I can do anything" type of fellow :-) Good work, woman, and DH! Wow, an engineer w/a talent for gardening, w/a discriminating palate and talent for cooking AND baking--very nice potential combo :-) ==^..^== kitty nudge to Max.

(My g/f's C-section, which came as a surprise, was only a year old when she began wanting her second. Nowadays, I think one kid would be a handful, but back when a twenty-something, it crossed my mind how convenient it would be to have triplets and get it all over with at once.)

superpup's picture

(post #57231, reply #13 of 68)

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Glad to hear you're out and about! I hope you've put that kid to work. Scrubbing pots and pans? Scraping skin off hazelnuts? Chopping chocolate? Ah, it's so hard to find good help these days...

joiep's picture

(post #57231, reply #14 of 68)

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b YOU DID IT, CLS!

I'm so proud of you and DH. So what's a little incision? C-Section or vaginal, all that matters is that little Max has arrived safe and sound and that you will soon recover with no memory of the pain or discomfort. Sounds like your overwhelming Love has alleviated some of the memories, already. You tell me. Was it worth it?

Really good to hear from you, but take it one day at time, for now. Actually, take it one hour at a time, and get lots and lots of rest, whenever you can.

cam14's picture

(post #57231, reply #15 of 68)

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"not possible describe to anyone how much I love him - there's simply no words. What I can say is that I never thought anyone would make me feel thrilled just to look at them, except DH. Now his son has the same power - my heart just isn't big enough for all the love I have for the two of them. Becoming a mother to this child is one of the two best things I ever did with my life."

Yup, that pretty well sums it up - there are no words, the feelings are so strong - most Mom's feel like this - that's why they do it again and again...

Very good to hear from you, glad you are home and everyone is healthy. Will wait patiently for more updates as they become available.

Take care, we are all so excited for you. Do you find yourself watching him breath while he is sleeping? Babies I've found are quite noisy sleepers usually but I used to find myself standing there hardly breathing myself so I could hear if the baby was breathing. I think it's all part of the familiarizing process we need to go through in order to learn everything about these bundles of pure beauty and joy.

Wolverine's picture

(post #57231, reply #16 of 68)

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Glad to hear from you CLS, and I am so happy for you, momma! ;-)

Get rest while you can, and enjoy yourself, as I know you will!

Grasshopper_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #17 of 68)

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Excellent, C, excellent post, excellent surprise when the little person arrives and SNAP! There's the love. It's a truly remarkable thing we get to be blessed with when we meet our babies...

Adele_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #18 of 68)

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YaHoooooooo! CLS & Mr. CLS. Welcome to the board Max!

Messy_Cook's picture

(post #57231, reply #19 of 68)

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CLS that's wonderful, your message brought a tear to my eye and remember thoses same feelings I had.
Enjoy, he'll be a teenager one day soon LOL

Cissy_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #20 of 68)

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What a sweet description of your beautiful baby. Take care of yourself and let the housework go. Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience with all of us.

Full-fledged's picture

(post #57231, reply #21 of 68)

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Rock a bye Max. Rock a bye.

Close as I will ever get that's for sure.

No words I can think of CLS, yours were perfect.

Soft kiss on Max's head,

Fledge

SallyBR_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #22 of 68)

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CLS...

Please make a printout of this whole thread, and keep it in a safe place.

IN a few years (or in many years, it does not matter), I am sure you will find a great opportunity to share it with Max...

MadMom_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #23 of 68)

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CLS - so good to hear from you, and hugs and kisses for baby Max. My youngest is 30 years old now, but I still get tears in my eyes when I think how precious my "babies" are to me. Can't wait to see Max in living color, and I agree...save this thread (and others in which he was the star) to show him one day how many people, mostly strangers, loved him and worried over him...even before he came into this world. God bless you all.

chiqui_new_orleans's picture

(post #57231, reply #24 of 68)

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CLS>>>>>sugah, no mention of the "outlaws" yet....how are they taking to the new male heir??????? Bet that precious little one has softened the heart of that good ole mother-in-law??? SI?????

CLS's picture

(post #57231, reply #25 of 68)

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Okay, back. Wow, took me 24 hours. Well, guess I better get used to it.

All your posts were making me tear up! Thanks for all the good wishes. I'm going to tell you every detail, but be prepared for a semi-long post. I promise it won't be too gory or too much for the male population!

Well, Thursday was a normal day for me. Miserable, cranky, irritable. It was the 15th, my official due date; they'd moved it to the 12th a couple of months back, but the 15th was the date I was told when I was first told I was pregnant. I still wasn't sleeping so I stayed up late that night watching Designing Women re-runs and finally went to bed about 2:30 a.m. I chatted with my husband for a minute or two, turned over to attempt to get comfortable before I tossed and turned all night, and felt this gush of wet between my legs. I sat straight up and said, "Oh, My GOD!"
i (I've since been told that every single woman who's water broke outside of the hospital has uttered these exact same words upon feeling their water break.)

DH jumped right out of bed, "What is it?!! What happened?!!"

"Well," said I, shaking like a leaf, "either I just wet the bed for the first time in my life, or my water just broke."

DH helped me out of bed and more water gushed.
i (For those of you who this hasn't ever happened to, I liken it to having a water balloon in your lap, and all of a sudden it fails and the water gushes down your legs. It doesn't hurt; as a matter of fact, you can't even feel it and there is NO warning. Just a warm gush of wet that completely takes you by surprise...)
We looked at each other, started laughing hysterically and he carried me into the bathroom, where I proceeded to do a fine imitation of Niagra Falls for the next half-hour or so. You'd have thought we'd be scared, but we were happy, and excited, and DH helped me into the shower to get cleaned up and ready, finished packing our bag, fed the cats enough for a few days, took all the bed clothes and pillows to the washer, and then got me dressed and into the car for our short ride to the hospital. All the while, I'm continuing my Niagra Falls imitation like mad. It's very disconcerting for a fully grown person to be wetting themselves and anthing unlucky enough to get near them this way, trust me.

So - arrive at the hospital, get checked in, get wheel chaired up to the maternity ward (thank heaven! I would have left a river in my wake if I'd tried to walk!), get put into a bed, stripped, blood tests taken, IV's put in, 2 monitors attached to my belly (one monitors the baby's heartrate, the other my contractions), and we wait.

Now - we are pushing 4 a.m. by now and while all this is going on a kernal of worry is forming in my mind. I haven't felt one single contraction. Not one. No back pain, no lost mucous plug, no nothing except my water breaking, an event which is supposed to herald the onset of some contractions and the eventual release of the baby. No, not me. No contractions. So I'm checked and I'm 1/2 centimeter dialated. Not good. For those of you not aware, we have to get to 10 cm and it usually takes quite a while. A 1/2 cm. isn't anywhere near where we need to be, considering my water has broken and I now have about 24-30 hours to deliver this baby at the most
i (without the amniotic fluid, the baby can't survive longer than that. You risk infection setting in and that's baaaaaaaad...).
So at about 8 a.m. they decide to give me some help and put me on Pitocin, a drug which usually causes people to start contractions. I do - about a minute apart. But they are so light I can barely feel them. I've had menstrual cramps worse than these contractions, which I tell the nurse at 12 noon, 2 p.m., 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. Tell my doctor, too. By now, I'm a healthy 1 cm. dialated. Hurrah.

They decide to increase my dose of Pitocin. I'm getting anxious now. Nothing is happening. This cycle continues forever. I haven't eaten anything but ice or ice water. I'm getting concerned, I'm cranky and tired and anxious and tense and nervous and worst of all, my mother-in-law has shown up twice at my room even though DH has told her and everyone else to stay home because it was going to be a long day and we were very stressed. We've been telling her not to come for months and months. She didn't listen and didn't want to listen. She was very upset when my husband told her to go home and we'd call her, and then had the nurses bar her from the delivery room completely when she tried to sneak back later. As if my day wasn't perfect enough! The only thing keeping me together was DH being calm and cool, and me being able to watch the baby monitor and tell that Max was okay in there no matter what weird thing was happening out here. I watched his monitor like a hawk.

They decide about 6 p.m. that they need a more senstive way to monitor my contractions than then belly belt, so they insert two monitors inside my uterus. I won't go into the details, I think you can guess how they get in there without me, but I can tell you they are damned uncomfortable and I HATED them, especially because I was confined to bed with them. They are also very uncomfortable to have put in. I hope I never have to have those things again. They sucked.

At midnight, my Pitocin has been increased way beyond what is standard, so far that only a doctor was able to authorize the increases. By midnight, I'm a healthy, pathetic 2 cm. dialated, and my contractions are the same as they were at first, even though my Piticin level has increased about 15 times what I'd started out as.

Understand - I'm not in pain, not really. No more pain than menstrual cramps. I couldn't get any contractions strong enough to cause any real pain. But I am tired because even though they don't really hurt, they are constant and have taken a real toll on my body. So they convince me to take something to let me sleep and I willingly do. I do notice that the nurse kept coming in adjusting my pitocin levels again. I finally peeked over to the monitor and realized she was decreasing the levels. I thought for a second, and then realized what was going on. They were weaning me off the Pitocin slowly. I KNEW what was happening, I just didn't want to name it...

About 7 a.m., my doctor showed up and sat down and shooed everyone by DH out of the room. She said, "C_______, we need to talk about what's happening. Despite our best efforts, we haven't been able to establish a strong pattern of contractions and it's now been 28 hours since your water broke. We need to discuss our other options."

"Dr.," I said,
i (I'm tired, cranky, irritable and scared, 'cause I KNEW what was coming!)
"Cut to it, please. Just tell me, I trust you. What are we doing?"

"We are going to have to do a C-Section," she said. "Do you promise to be there?" I asked. "Hey, I promised you at the beginning of all this that I would be there and I will." She explained she'd be assisting in the surgery and that another Dr. would be doing the surgery. Then that surgeon came in, explained the entire procedure to me, answered my questions, DH's questions
i (who, BTW, slept on the couch in my room all night when he wasn't up helping me stay calm and comforted),
and then the anesthesiologist showed up and explained to me what HE was going to do, and i promptly threw up.

I couldn't help it. It was all too much for me, and it took over so quickly that DH barely realized what was happening before I was terribly ill. I got cleaned up by my husband and nurses, the anesthesiologist stayed and talked to my husband about the whole procedure and reassured him, and the nurses prepped me for surgery.

It's a blur pretty much from there. I got a dose of something, got stripped to my birthday suit, DH pulled my hair back for me, and I remember being wheeled into an extremely bright, cold room, where the anest. tipped me up, a nurse held on to me (coinincidentally, my lamaze coach was my nurse that day!) while he did something to me, and then I told them all that I thought I'd just pee'd down my leg. They laughed and asked why I thought that. I said because my right let felt warm and tingly. Then all of a sudden my left leg felt that way and the anesth. said it was the full epidural kicking in and the morphine would kick in in a minute, which it did.

Drugged and mostly out of it, feeling like I was having an out of body experience but aware of what was happening, and blind because I wasn't wearing glasses or contacts, they draped me in a sheet
i (thank God because I was NAKED and COLD!)
and put up another sheet just under my breasts but reaching up about 2 feet so I couldn't see what the surgeons were doing. Then I was sick again, so I missed my husband coming in and the surgery beginning. The next thing I knew I felt tugging on my belly, just like someone were tugging on your arm. No pain, but hard tugging. DH is telling me I'm doing great, the anesth. is telling jokes, then he leans across the sheet and looks and tells my husband to look over, too. I can't see his face, but every once in a while he tells me I'm doing fine and keeps gripping my hand which I can barely feel.

I hear the surgeon say they can't get the baby out and later DH told me she pushed him back in, and had to widen the incision because she had underestimated his size. Then my doctor is putting all her weight on my ribs, and I feel hard pushing on them (remember, though, no pain), I feel a weird vaccuum-like feeling in my belly and resistance to it, then the vaccuum giving way and something tug hard and something else slide out of me, and then the doctors, and nurses start to laugh.

My husband sits beside me and said, "You're fantastic!" but I can hear a shell-shocked tone in his voice and wonder. I hear the surgeon say, "Yes, this baby is DEFINITELY a boy!" and more laughing, and I have the wit to say, "Oh, I see - so, 'the lunch-box has arrived', is that it?"
i (Clever, clever me! Only the anesth., the pediatrician and DH got it - it's a line from the Full Monty regarding a man with exceptionally well endowed parts. Even drugged to within an inch of my life I'm still clever! (LOL))

Then my doctor said, "C____, look up!" and I looked up and there he was! OMG! He was naked and chubby and I teard up and I think I had a religious experience - I can't explain it, but I felt this weird thing happen in me that I still can't explain. He was wisked over to the pediatrician, and then I heard a ROAR! Not a cry, or a whimper or anything so pathetic as that. No, ROARING. Angry, pissed, absolutely furious! We looked at each other, DH and I, and were so excited and my doctor said, "C_____, that is a very, very big boy." Then he was handed to DH, who took him in his hands and said, "Max, hello, it's me!" and you know what? The roaring stopped, and the baby pursed his lips, blinked his little swollen eyes at DH, and I swear he peered at him as if to say, "Do I know you? I know that voice". DH teared up and cuddled him close to him and we both knew that Max had recognized his Dad. Max snuggled against him and sighed and DH and I were done for. It was all over - no struggle, no fight, not a shot fired. It was - just so beautiful
i (man, now I'm crying again! I can't help it, it was so incredible, I'll never forget it!).

DH was led away to take Max for his check-up and they got to work sewing me up. My doctor then told me that Max also had a large head, and that from what she could tell, it was probably all for the best that we'd had a c-section because she thought we may not have been able to deliver him naturally anyway, since he was far bigger than they estimated. I was promptly sick again, and the poor anesth. stayed with me, held my head, told me jokes and held my hand until it was all over and I got back to my room.

The rest of that day is a blur. Max was brought to me, that I remember, after I'd been scrubbed clean and the epidural removed and various other parts of me taken care of. As soon as I put him up to one breast, that boy latched on like he'd been doing it for years and years. I was so surprised and pleased and I kept looking at him to make sure he was there and mine and so beautiful! DH stayed with me and Max and took care of all the diapering and cleaning and hand holding and rocking and everything. He was once again my knight, riding to my rescue!

The next thing I'm really clear about is the next morning trying to stand up and not being able to SIT up! I started to cry, but my new nurse came in, gave new new drugs, let me use the bathroom on my own, unhooked me from everything, and proceed to bully me into drinking dozens of sports drinks and walking around and around the maternity ward, which I was happy to do because it was better than lying in bed.

So, Pi and Nihon came to visit me and Max and DH and it was wonderful - I love those guys. I felt so happy to see them. I spent that day in shock but so happy. I ended up staying in the hospital until Wednesday. Here in Ohio, you stay in the hospital 2 days after you deliver the baby for vaginal births, 4 days after delivery of C-section births. Delivery, not admittance to the hospital. During that time I worked really hard on recovering - walking over and over, taking my pain medication, and practicing breast feeding. Max was a pro - is a pro. All the nurses loved him and said he looks like a Gerber baby. The lactation consultant couldn't believe how easy breast feeding was for us, and I couldn't belive how much I love it. My doctor was surprised how fast I was recovering. My Pastor couldn't believe what had happened to me, and said I must have had a religious experience because I was changed in some undefinable way, which DH agreed with.

Everyone kept asking me how I felt. I told them this, and I tell you all this - I felt/feel like a train wreck. Despite that, I also felt/feel the best I've ever felt in my entire life. I feel glorious, there's no other way to describe it. Purely glorious. As much as I HATED - and I did hate - being pregnant, is the same amount I LOVE being a mother. I purely love it, and I'm good at it, and it's wonderful. I can't guarantee everyone would feel this way; I don't think everyone does. But I do. And it surprises me because I never considered myself a maternal person. But here I am, and I love this child more every minute, and he makes me laugh, and he makes me cry with happiness and look forward to the rest of our lives. My husband has always been perfect to me, giving me the most important things I have and giving me all I treasure. Now he's given me his child, too, and Max is so purely precious and wonderful I can't begin to thank him for him.

See next post...

CLS's picture

(post #57231, reply #26 of 68)

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So, long post, huh? Sorry, but I'll finish up here.

My mother is here to help DH take care of me because I can't do much but walk and feed Max and try to recover from the surgery, which really, IMO, isn't anywhere as bad as everyone told me it would be. I feel okay, considering. Our home visit from the hospital is tomorrow and Max is thriving as are DH and I. 3 hours of sleep feels like 10 and dirty diapers are no big deal around here. We are thrilled to do it, believe it or not! (LOL)

Birth announcements go out next week, and I'm totally loving being a mother. It's terrific. And Max is so good natured and sweet and I am having the best time of my life.

Mire Poix, look for a small package for Paris soon. I finally got her gift - I had to find the perfect thing and I have it. It has no practical purpose at all! You're going to love it.

Everyone, thank you so much for your support and your posts and everything! Mean, you never know - my DH makes so gorgeous, healthy, strong babies and I love this one so much, you just never know what I'll do.

Pictures are being developed soon and I'll learn how to post one I promise. If all else fails, I'll send some to Jean and let her scan them for me. I can't wait until ya'll see my little bruiser! You all will adore him.

I love all of this - I love being a mother. I simply can't believe it! But I do, and I'm pretty good at it, too!

EM_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #27 of 68)

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Beautiful, CLS, just beautiful. Welcome to the club. :-)

Jean_'s picture

(post #57231, reply #28 of 68)

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Oh, you sweet thing. I'm so happy all is going so well for you and yours! Your epistle just had me reliving the c-sections that my 2 DD went through...Large babies and small pelvises. You have me in tears here. I'd be most honored to post pictures for you any time! I can't wait to see what Max looks like. Does he have red hair? Does he have hair? LOL. Kiss those precious little feet for me, and don't newborns smell good? DH always asks me when I hold a new baby...did you smell it?... when I say yes, he knows I'm in love again. BTW. Siblings don't always realize it right away, but mother's hearts expand with every kid, the love never diminishes. Glad he knew his Dad right off!! Sniff..
Hugs to all...

CLS's picture

(post #57231, reply #29 of 68)

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BTW, anyone know any lullabies? The real words? I can't remember them, and I was trying to sing, and I couldn't remember, and so I made up my own words! You should have heard last night's rendition of Hush, Little Baby! (LOL)

Oh, ya'll, I know everyone says this, but he's so sweet, and so perfect and so beautiful - I can't get over that he's mine. And I think I love my husband even more now, if that's possible. Even my mother said she simply can't get over the change in me. My own mother! Well, if I'm changed, it can only be a good thing because I feel terrific.

Michael_P.'s picture

(post #57231, reply #30 of 68)

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Wow! I can't remember the last time I read something that suspenseful. So glad you both are ok. Thanks for sharing "that moment" when you first saw him.

I'm scared of your MIL way over here...